Jan 12 - Jan 18

Half of this week I was focusing on finishing a single task. From the beginning I thought that It'll be the easy one until I've realized its hidden complexity and on Wednesday I worked overtime (2 hours) and on Thursday I worked till about 1am (8 hours overtime). Its bit ironic since this week I've learned that sticking and protecting out-of-work time is crucial in preventing burn-out. Interestingly (and contrary to this learning) I think that this week was productive and finishing that task felt very rewarding. Its just the next day I felt drained. This is something I've observed long time ago as well. Whenever I do overtime, next day I feel drained and have to recover, pay my dues from the day before.

I remember back in 2018 (8 years ago) when I was able to drink 7 espressos per day and felt most productive, I observed my productivity cycled in about 2-3 weeks period that just corresponded to sprint cycles at that time. On my low days I felt sleepy, tired, lethargic - this period took about 1-3 days and I've used that for performing "mechanical" part of sprint like writing tests and refactoring, while when I was at my productivity peak I felt like I have the energy to do anything I want to a degree that was actually counterproductive because I couldn't finish my overly ambitious idea. (Uff it sounds bit bipolar) Of course most productive I was during the climb to the peak or down from it.
Because I felt very productive I didn't pay much attention to these cycles. I just realized that there was a big differences between low and high and that there was some periodic pattern. I consider this period to be my most productive, rewarding and happy time, when I genuinely loved my job and was looking forward to it almost every day. That feeling when I went to sleep impatient for the next day... I miss it.

Nowadays time is different but I think that I'm finally recovering from burnout. This week, with exception of Friday when I was just tired, I did my morning routine every day, had breakfast, coffee or matcha, took shower before work and started more or less on time. Even though my time-sheets don't reflect that, I worked quite hard and didn't slack at all. I'm still observing myself and learning about my condition though because the information I've learned from external sources does not exactly fit my case.

The other guy on the internet that I occasionally check-out his blog, described his experience with burn out but it is nowhere near my experience. Symptoms are similar/same but his don't appear that severe. At least he is not mentioning it. Interestingly we share few character traits and behavioral patterns, tendencies, but I can't tell that its just about my energy level. I was disgusted and felt strong resistance against work Couldn't do something I used to love. It was also very conflicting.

Its only now that I can tell I have a picture of what was happening to me and it deserves post on its own. This week however showed me that I may be standing back on my feet again and even tough this was not the best week, I was frustrated by my work, by never ending task that was supposed to be easy one, the multiple rabbit holes that I've fallen into, I've finished it, and got confidence that I'm able to do that and felt the reward and looked forward to next day with new knowledge, learnings and new ways to try.

Outside of work I didn't have lots of the time which is a shame. I did small workout at home with my own weight and I truly miss some activity. Next week I'm traveling to Prague where I should be introduced to boulder by my friend and I already asked another If he'll join me in my favorite fitness + sauna. Should be busy week plus on a way back I want to go to Slovakia after long time again.

Consumption

• Idiocracy (2006) - I remember when I watched this movie first time part of me found displayed future quite likely. Now the current state of world seems so bizarre, crazy and sometime stupid that I wanted to re-watch it again bacause I couldn't remember much of it. Movie wasn't bad at all especially compared to modern bullshits that are being made. But reality described in the movie is of course way off. Crazy dumb elected popular celebrity in front of The States? Way off. Is It?
• found few excellent blog posts that I have to mention: An Existential Guide to: Making Friends and perfect blog about blogging The Case for Blogging in the Ruins

Notice

• I think I'm finally recovering from burnout. Still observing and learning though. Something has changed.